Exploring the link between speed, movement and relationships
I’ve been chewing on a theory I call kinetic social bonding, and this article is my first attempt to start fleshing it out.
Discussing, refining and understanding this theory may help us all better appreciate the strong social bonds in our lives already, and develop the way we form social connections in the future.
Also, ironically, what better time to evaluate the intricacies of social dynamics than right now, while we’re all social distancing, quarantining and trudging through the COVID-19 crisis.
I’d be honored to hear what you think of this theory and any additional angles you think need to be explored or included in the thought process.
Methodology
First, a quick note on the research methodology: I didn’t do much — if any — exploratory or secondary research to write this article for two reasons: 1) to avoid, or minimize the impact of, cherry picking and confirmation bias; and 2) to allow the concepts to bubble up to the surface as naturally as possible from experiences and information I’ve already digested and processed.
I took this approach — instead of Googling and citing articles and research papers that might support my theory — because the book “Antifragile” by Nassim Nicholas Taleb is fresh in my mind. I’m taking a page from the prologue:
To accord with the practitioner’s ethos, the rule in this book is as follows: I eat my own cooking. I have only written, in every line I have composed in my professional life, about things I have done, and the risks I have recommended that others take or avoid were risks I have been taking or avoiding myself. I will be the first to be hurt if I am wrong…That personal stricture applies to every domain, including medicine, technical innovation, and simple matters in life. It does not mean that one’s personal experiences constitute a sufficient sample to derive a conclusion about an idea; it is just that one’s personal experience gives the stamp of authenticity and sincerity of opinion. Experience is devoid of the cherry-picking that we find in studies, particularly those called “observational,” ones in which the researcher finds past patterns, and, thanks to the sheer amount of data, can therefore fall into the trap of an invented narrative. (Antifragile, Prologue)
Side note: you can read more of my takeaways from “Antifragile” here.
With that context established, let’s dive in.
Kinetic social bonding theory defined
I believe people develop a special bond through shared physical movement.
For example: dancing with a partner or as part of a cultural tradition, walking with a family member or colleague, listening to or creating music with friends (in the sense that consuming or creating synchronized sound waves are a form of shared physical movement), or mimicking body language (like when all of a sudden, somehow, everyone at the meeting has their arms folded across their chest).
In one respect, the shared physical movement could establish a new connection, say between strangers. In another, it could strengthen a bond that already exists, say bringing family members, friends, lovers or acquaintances closer.
Kinetic social bonding theory adds another layer to the movement-generated bonding dynamic: I think the strength of the bond is positively correlated to the speed of the shared movement.
In other words, the faster people move together, the stronger the social bond between those people.
Furthermore, and maybe more importantly, not only does high-speed shared physical movement strengthen existing social connections, it also makes it easier and faster to build new connections, say between people who don’t know each other that well.
Finally, I think the bonding we’re talking about here is happening at a cellular level, or a level beyond that of our conscious, deliberate, thinking mind.
So, with all that said, here’s a draft definition of the theory:
Kinetic social bonding: the theory that shared physical movement at higher speeds strengthens existing, and facilitates the development of new, social bonds.
Five examples
1. Running: For me going for a run with someone is a very different experience than going for a walk with someone. While I enjoy and find benefits in both activities, I see walking as a great way to exchange thoughts and ideas through words — say to solve problems or think through a decision. On the other hand, it’s more difficult to exchange as many words when you’re running. Even at lower heart rates, your body is in more of a fight-or-flight state. Thus, when you’re running with someone else, you share more natural movement, deliberate words or open ideas. And when your run is complete, you (I) usually feel like you’ve just accomplished something or survived a strenuous challenge. Therefore, I think this connection goes deeper than words can facilitate, and the speed (i.e. running) helps you get there.
2. Cycling: Similar to running, in my experiences, there’s not all that much in-depth conversation on group bike rides. This is partially due to a similar level of physical exertion as noted above, and partially because riding bicycles in a group on roads that are designed for cars and trucks is extremely dangerous. Thus, you usually have your guard up. Nevertheless, group rides are still a great way to connect with others. Aside from the natural connection between cycling communities or shared interests, I find myself closer to people I’ve gone riding with than before we enjoyed a shared high-speed movement experience.
3. Road trips: The summer vacation road trip is a quintessential bonding activity for American families. I’d argue that the road-trip bond forms regardless of the level or depth of conversation that occurs. Even if nobody talks to each other the whole time, even if the kids are fighting, and even if it’s boring and nothing particularly eventful happens on the trip, you’re at least marginally closer — in a unique way — after speeding down the highway together for hours on end.
4. Flights: There’s probably a big part of traveling in general that naturally strengthens social bonds. For example, experiencing a new land, trying out new food, braving a big conference or enjoying an amazing exotic vacation are all great bonding opportunities, and the shared high-speed travel to get there plays into that bond. However, you also develop a special bond with the people you sit next to and chat with on the plane, even if you’ll never see them again. There’s something unique about the connections you make on airplanes. The extremely high speeds at which you’re flying contributes to those connections too. I imagine these connections are deeper than the ones you make chatting with someone next to you on the bus or subway.
5. Breathing exercises: These are fresh in my mind from the life-changing, spiritual experiences I recently had practicing the Wim Hof Method in Iceland and in Poland earlier this year. Relevant to this discussion, I think the group breathing exercises we participated in every morning during those workshops simulated a form of high-speed shared movement. During these exercises, even though everyone in the group is lying stationary on the floor — because, as I learned, you should only do those breathing exercises seated or lying down — the intense breathing creates a simulated stress-response environment, almost like we’re all moving or running together. The group breathing exercises are one of the many elements of those workshops that establish an immediate and strong connection among the participants in the group. In this instance, the high-speed bonds are built without even leaving the room.
Causality
When thinking about what might be driving kinetic social bonding, and why it might be happening, I keep coming back to the bonding effects of shared trauma.
When you’re traveling at high speeds, like in an airplane or in a car — even though your thinking mind has accepted that it’s a normal part of life, and convinced you that it’s a safe environment — I imagine your body still responds to the speed as a potentially dangerous and traumatic environment. So, while our minds are calm, our bodies are responding at a deeper level to stress and trauma.
And shared traumatic experiences form some of the strongest social bonds we ever have.
This interview with Sebastian Junger on the Joe Rogan Experience podcast touches on that concept. I remember being fascinated hearing them talk about how so much the social disconnection veterans face when integrating into civilian life is because nothing compares to the intense bonds that are formed between fellow service men and women on the traumatic battlefield. I have Junger’s book “Tribe” on my bookshelf, and have yet to read it, but I believe that book dives into this concept much further.
To summarize this section, I think our bodies are responding to trauma as we’re traveling at high speeds. Thus we’re subcounsciously connecting with others around us who are responding to the same trauma. In other words, high-speed shared movement simulates a shared traumatic experience and establishes similarly strong social bonds.
Other factors and implications
Transitivity and proportionality: The strength of the bond, or the speed at which the bond is formed, is proportional to the speed. Thus, by transitivity, we would assume that a bond would be formed faster between strangers flying together compared to those same people cycling together. Similarly the bond would grow stronger between a family going on a road trip together than if they were to take a walk together. In other words, from a social bonding perspective: Walking < Running < Cycling < Driving < Flying.
Spatial expansion and time together: One additional and impactful part of this equation — which admittedly could disprove, or have more impact than kinetic social bonding — is the increased amount of time that you naturally have to spend together when moving at high speeds. Specifically, the amount of time you spend together could have a greater impact on strengthening social connections than the speed at which you’re traveling. On the other hand, it could be that the high speed facilitates an increased amount of time together, and the two factors combined lead to the stronger social connections that arise. Another way to think about it is that the speed is just a way to get to, create, or open a new door, to a unique time and place that you can share with someone else.
Four applications
Let’s conclude by asking the most important question related to kinetic social bonding theory: so what?
The first and most timely application is nostalgic and melancholic: since we should all explicitly avoid shared high-speed movement experiences for the foreseeable future as we work through the COVID-19 crisis, take this moment to reflect on and appreciate the strong bonds you’ve formed from past kinetic social bonding experiences.
Second, after we get through the COVID-19 crisis, when life is hopefully back to relatively normal, the easiest and most obvious application is likely something that we already intrinsically know and do: create as many shared high-speed movement experiences as possible. This means traveling with family, taking road trips with friends, or going for bike rides with colleagues. Essentially think of ways to (safely) do more things with more people at higher speeds.
And if you’re looking for ways to build new connections, look for ways to incorporate shared movement — at any speed, but the faster the better — into shared experiences. Walks are a great first step for this. Joining a running group might be a good second step.
Third, since I can’t help weaving my personal war on cars into this, instead of piling into the rolling safety hazard that is an automobile, jump on a plane or train instead. On top of being safer, you’ll be going much faster, and according to kinetic social bonding theory, you’ll form stronger bonds as a result.
Finally, if you find yourself moving at high speeds — or moving in synchronization at any speeds — with others, recognize the amazing bonding that’s happening right under your nose. Enjoy the moment, and look for ways to squeeze the most positive benefits out of the social bonding opportunity.